


Drunken Birthday Parties

by orphan_account



Series: The Adventures of the Rainbow-Haired Housemates [2]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Crack, Gen, I'm not sorry, I'm too lazy to tag everyone rip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-19
Updated: 2015-06-19
Packaged: 2018-04-05 03:19:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4163709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Read the title.)</p>
<p>It's Kise's birthday, so his housemates decide to throw him a party. Add Aomine getting the drinks, and well... everything goes downhill from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drunken Birthday Parties

**Author's Note:**

> It's still Kise's birthday somewhere (like one time zone) in the world. Also, this is the fourth thing I've written for this universe, but only the second thing I posted. I don't really think there's a disparity, though.

“Wahh, I’m late!” Kise shouted as he dashed through the kitchen. Kuroko wordlessly offered him a bento, and Kise briefly hugged him. “Thank you! You’re the best, Kurokocchi!”

Meanwhile, the rest of the occupants of the apartment stared at Kise as if he’d grown two heads. “Oi, Kise, you’re not actually—” Aomine tried to tell him, but Kuroko reached over and jabbed him in the ribs. Kise let Kuroko go when he heard Aomine yelp and saw the dark blue-haired man glaring at Kuroko. “What was that for, Tetsu?!”

Ignoring him, Kuroko turned to Kise. “You should get going, Kise-kun,” he reminded the confused blond, and the other’s eyes widened.

“You’re right! Then, I’m off!”

“Have a safe trip,” Kuroko waved to the running blond before turning back to Aomine with a slight frown. He only began to talk when he was sure Kise was gone. “You nearly ruined my plan, Aomine-kun.” Despite Aomine having no knowledge of this ‘plan,’ Kuroko’s voice was slightly accusing.

Aomine blanched. “What _plan_? You should’ve told me if you were pulling a prank on—”

“Are you really that dumb, Aomine-kun?” Kuroko asked, bluntly, earning an indignant sputter from his best friend.

Midorima was eyeing Kuroko dubiously, Murasakibara was watching the situation play out with dull curiosity, and Akashi seemed to have figured it out and hummed as he sipped his coffee.

Seeing as Aomine wasn’t getting it, Kuroko sighed a little, deciding to elaborate. “I changed the time on Kise-kun’s alarm clock to wake him up early. I didn’t bother with his phone since I knew he would be too panicked to check it. He’ll realize soon enough that it’s not actually time for him to head to work, but it’ll be too late to come back here, so we can discuss safely.”

Aomine was still hopelessly lost. “Discuss what?”

Midorima and Murasakibara both had figured it out already, and Midorima huffed. “Idiot,” he muttered, exasperated.

“Oi!”

“I cannot believe Aomine-kun is this thick,” Kuroko said, mostly to himself, and Murasakibara patted him on the head consolingly. 

“Can you guys just tell me already?” Aomine demanded, irritated. What was he missing? Were they going to prank Kise? He wished Kuroko would hurry up and come out with it.

Kuroko wordlessly pointed at the calendar on the countertop. Aomine squinted at it. “What?” He asked, cluelessly, and the whole room face-palmed.

“It’s Kise’s birthday next week, Aomine,” Akashi finally said, rubbing his temples. _Living like this is not good for my health. I’m still not leaving, of course._

Aomine finally saw the cake sticker over the 18, and his eyes widened in realization. Oh. _Oh._ They must really think he’s stupid.

“…I’m not good with dates,” was all he could think to say.

Akashi raised a skeptical eyebrow. “When is Kuroko’s birthday?” He asked, making a wager in his head.

“January 31,” Aomine automatically answered, and Kuroko didn’t know whether to be flattered about that or not.

“And mine?”

“… Uhhhh…” Would Aomine die for not remembering his former captain’s birthday?

“Aomine-kun, Akashi-kun’s birthday is December 20,” Kuroko filled in, a bit exasperated. Aomine scratched his chin, avoiding eye contact with Akashi.

Akashi sighed. _I thought so._ Aomine only remembered Kuroko’s birthday since he was his best friend. Akashi hoped, for Aomine’s sake, that he at least remembered Momoi’s birthday. “Well, then,” Akashi started, steering the subject away from Aomine’s horrible memory with dates, “Kuroko, you must have some plan, if you did all this. What do you suggest?”

Kuroko nodded. His expression didn’t change, but his eyes glittered with slight excitement. “I was thinking we could have a party. Not here, of course,” he noted, looking around his dingy apartment. Everyone silently voiced their agreement. “I talked to Kagami-kun, and he said that we could have it at his place, even if he does think Kise-kun is ‘an annoying dog.’ I thought we could do a surprise party and invite Kise-kun’s old team from Kaijou, and—do you think Nijimura-san would want to come?”

The rest of the Miracles thought about that for a few seconds. “No,” they all chorused.

“Maybe if you invited Himuro-san,” Akashi amended, thinking about how the two had become friends while Nijimura was in the States.

Kuroko noted that in his head and continued on. “Murasakibara-kun, can you make a cake?” He asked, but the violet-haired man shook his head.

“Sorry, Kuro-chin, but my bakery is booked. You’ll have to get the cake somewhere else~”

Kuroko was a bit disappointed, but it was understandable. Murasakibara’s bakery was quite famous. He had already asked Kagami, who had refused to bake it for him, purely due to the fact that it was Kise. He’d discussed with Momoi, and when it came to this, she had eagerly offered, but Kuroko definitely did not want to take her up on that, so he gently turned her down.

They continued discussing for a while before they had to part for work. Kuroko had wanted to do it in the morning because it was the only time they could discuss without Kise being there. Kise would come back before Aomine and sometimes before Midorima or Akashi came home, so the evening wasn’t an option.

Kuroko sighed as he reviewed the plans they had made for the party. He could only hope it didn’t end in disaster like Akashi’s had. He shuddered inwardly. Note: never let Mibuchi, Himuro, and Nijimura get drunk at the same time. Also: don’t ever give Mayuzumi a gun, whether it’s fake or not.

* * *

 

It was finally the day of Kise’s party, and so far it seemed that everything was flowing smoothly.

Kasamatsu, Moriyama, Kobori, and Hayakawa from Kaijou were already at Kagami’s apartment, exchanging greetings with some of the Miracles. Izuki was there for reasons Kuroko didn’t know, but Izuki got along semi-okay with Kasamatsu, and seemed to be friends with Moriyama, so maybe it was for the best.

Momoi was making sure everything in place, while Takao, who had come when he heard about the party, to Midorima’s ‘chagrin’ (Kuroko was sure he was glad to have him there), was peering at the food Kagami had made. “Wow, you should have become a cook instead of a firefighter!” He exclaimed, and Kagami just grumbled and swatted him away from the food.

Himuro was there, and as Akashi had said, Nijimura had appeared with him. Himuro was trying to prevent Murasakibara from eating all of the food while Nijimura and Akashi chatted amiably. Mayuzumi had almost made a rare appearance, but he told Kuroko he was just there to eat the food and watch the train wreck.

It was regrettable that so many of their parties ended in catastrophe—so many, to the point that Mayuzumi would come out of whatever dismal place he lived in and attend just to watch everything for entertainment.

Kuroko was falling asleep on Mayuzumi’s shoulder, wondering why Kise was taking so long _(it was already past nine in the evening, and while it wasn’t_ late, late _it was still quite late)_ when Takao shouted, “Hey, here he comes!”

Mayuzumi nudged him none-too-gently. “Wake up, Kuroko. Go surprise your friend. I’ll be watching.” He had his nose buried in a light novel, so Kuroko seriously doubted that, but he got up anyway.

They all hid behind the couch, and Akashi threw a blanket over Mayuzumi in an attempt to hide him, which didn’t go over well, but a jab to his back by Kuroko made him shut up. Soon enough, Kise knocked on the door, and Kagami shouted for him to come in. Midorima winced at the loud yell and eyed Kagami in annoyance. “Why did we have to use him as an excuse to get Kise here?” He grumbled, though the answer was obvious, since this _was_ Kagami’s apartment.

“Kagamicchi? Why did—” Before Kise could finish, everyone jumped out from behind the couch and shouted,

“Surprise!”

Kise openly gaped at them, prompting Kasamatsu to roll his eyes. “Happy birthday, idiot,” he grunted, motioning around the apartment at the food and presents and decorations.

“Everyone…” Kise started tearing up. It was so nice of them to throw him a surprise party for his birthday (he was starting to think everyone had forgotten), and he couldn’t hold back his joy as he jumped on Kasamatsu for a hug. “Thank you sen—ouch!” He yelped when Kasamatsu kicked him in the shin.

“That’s what you get for jumping on me! And, anyway, it was Kuroko and your roommates’ idea,” Kasamatsu said, jabbing a thumb over his shoulder at the amused Miracles.

Kise’s eyes lit up, and he pounced for the rest of the Miracles, who quickly scattered, but Kise was undeterred. “Kurokocchi, let me hug you!” He wailed as he chased the blue-haired man around the room.

All Kuroko could think was _I hope this doesn’t end in disaster._

* * *

Mayuzumi was taping the chaos of the party.

A guy needed good blackmail material once in a while, you know?

So, it seemed that, because Aomine wasn’t good for anything else, he’d been assigned the seemingly simple assignment of getting the drinks. Alcohol of any kind wasn’t allowed at the party, because it was the cause of disaster 80% of the time, but Aomine _apparently_ didn’t agree with those rules, so he spiked all of the drinks beforehand.

How did Mayuzumi know this? Because he was the only one who didn’t get up to get a drink and watched the rest of the party get drunk.

Kuroko, who normally had a low alcohol tolerance, had drunk three vanilla milkshakes at this point, all spiked. Mayuzumi assumed he was about at his limit already because he was spinning around the apartment in a daze, occasionally spewing some nonsense. Kise followed him around like a dog, having already drunk four cups of spiked punch, and would not _shut up_. Mayuzumi was seriously considering throwing the empty punch bowl at his head.

Aomine apparently didn’t care that he had spiked the drinks because he had drunk half of the first punch bowl and was now having a _riveting_ (note: gross) game of strip poker with an equally drunk Kagami, Nijimura, and Kobori. Aomine was only in his underwear at this point, while Kagami was down to his pants, Nijimura was still fully clothed because he was weirdly good at this, and Kobori had only lost his shirt.

If Aomine stripped entirely, Mayuzumi was going to need to wash his eyes out.

Akashi was the kind of drunk that would talk about all of his problems when he was inebriated. Mayuzumi had recorded it all, from the internal angst to his shaking Kuroko by the shoulders and demanding why everyone had tried to leave him. Even when drunk, Kuroko still patted Akashi on the back for comfort. _What a mom._

Mayuzumi would feel bad for Akashi, but he’d had enough of his shit during high school, so he left it to Kuroko.

Midorima was trying to play a weird game (Jenga, if Mayuzumi recalled correctly), but he kept messing up because he was drunk. He didn’t seem to care and kept going. Murasakibara had long eaten all the food and had projectile vomited out Kagami’s window. Mayuzumi hoped it hadn’t hit any pedestrians, but it made great video material (if not slightly gross).

The rest of Kise’s Kaijou teammates were also playing a card game, but it wasn’t a strip game. Instead, whoever lost seemed to have to tell a truth about themselves, and a lot of embarrassing stuff had already been said. Takao had joined them at some point and confessed stuff even if he didn’t lose.

Momoi had to leave early, so she hadn’t had the chance to get drunk or witness the chaos. Pity. Himuro was lying face-down in the last bowl of food, which was popcorn, and Mayuzumi wondered if he was still alive or not. Izuki was spewing bad puns left and right, and Mayuzumi had long tuned him out.

All in all, it was another disastrous party, and yet again a worthwhile outing.

_I can’t wait to show them the video._

At some point, after Aomine and Kagami both stripped completely and Mayuzumi got angry and threw clothes at them before stomping off to use the bathroom, after Akashi and Kuroko wallowed in their shared sorrow of their height among these trees, after Midorima began to gnaw at the wooden Jenga blocks, someone decided that it was cake time for Kise.

The drunk ex-basketball players sang a watery happy birthday to Kise before Kise messily blew out his candles. As soon as Kagami tried to messily cut into the round yellow and white cake, there was a loud scraping sound.

The cake was plastic.

Mayuzumi watched the scene in disbelief. _Who the hell bought Kise’s cake?_ He got his answer a moment later, when Kasamatsu lamented, “I knew that wasn’t a real cake shop.”

Apparently they had had enough craziness for the night and all promptly fell over and passed out.

The right thing to do would be to drive all of them to the hospital. But Mayuzumi squatted in the middle of the pile of passed out people and gave the camera a thumbs-up as he took a selfie. He sent it to the others’ phones before dialing the emergency line because he was too lazy to drive them all to the hospital.

* * *

 

When Kise woke up, he had a pounding headache, and the bright lights overhead definitely weren’t helping. Groaning, he closed his eyes and tried to recall what had happened. _Everyone threw a surprise party for me… I drank some punch and ate some food… and then…_

“Kise, you’re finally awake.” Even though Kise knew that it was said relatively quietly, it still seemed annoyingly loud to his poor brain. Kise dared to crack an eye open and saw his housemates in his room. _And wait…_

Akashicchi, why is Kurokocchi on your back?” Kise asked, suspiciously. Akashi glanced at Kuroko almost as if he had forgotten about him before adjusting his seat on the stool.

“Kuroko is too out of it to walk on his own, so I’m carrying him around for now. Someone else might normally, but…” Akashi sent annoyed glances toward the other Miracles. Aomine was shirtless and lying down on his face, moaning about his headache, Midorima was clearly not in the mood to carry someone, and Murasakibara was vomiting into a trash can. Kise gagged and looked away.

“We’re sorry about your birthday party, Kise-kun,” Kuroko mumbled, his face still buried in Akashi’s hair. Kise was surprised; he thought Kuroko might have been sleeping. “Or, Aomine-kun is sorry. He’s the one who spiked all of our drinks.”

_Spiked…_ Oh, that made sense. Kise groaned and sent a glare Aomine’s way for ruining his party, and the dark blue-haired man shivered when he felt several glares on him. “I thought it would be fun,” he muttered, dejectedly.

Akashi was barely restraining himself from rolling his eyes. “Since when is being drunk fun?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Killjoy.”

“… If Kuroko wasn’t on my back right now, you would surely regret that. Later, I will decide on the proper punishment for you.”

Aomine moaned and rolled over.

Akashi sighed and turned back to Kise, reaching down and picking up a simple yellow gift bag. “Here,” he said, handing the present to a surprised Kise. “Since we ended up ruining your party, we decided to get you a present from all of us. We hope you like it.”

_Isn’t one present from all five of them kind of cheap?_ Kise wondered, dubiously, but he reached into the bag and pulled out the present anyway. What he retrieved was enough to change his mind.

It was just a picture frame, with all of their names engraved on it, but that was all it needed. The picture was the one they took after Kise moved into Kuroko’s apartment—the last member of the Generation of Miracles to do so. Aomine was grinning at Kuroko in the picture, Akashi seemed content with the situation, Midorima seemed resigned, Murasakibara was lazily giving Kuroko bunny ears, who was smiling slightly at the camera, and Kise was trying to jump on Kuroko.

Kise felt his eyes watering. “Th—this is… really nice…” He sniffled, wiping away his tears, but being careful not to smudge the frame. Thankfully done vomiting, Murasakibara patted him on the shoulder (Kise hoped he didn’t have any throw-up on his hand), while Midorima huffed and crossed his arms, Aomine gave him a thumbs-up from his once-again face-down position, Akashi patted him on the head, and Kuroko lifted his head to smile at him.

_It’s still maybe the best birthday I’ve ever had._

**Author's Note:**

> I’m still not sorry, not even about the fluff at the end hAH
> 
> (And if Mayu seems out of place, I needed someone to narrate, and well.)


End file.
